The Supreme Court on 24TH March gave a historic verdict that live in relationship i.e. living with one another without marriage is not illegal and cannot be defined as "criminal offence". If two person, man and woman want to stay together, what is the offence they are committing here? The SC has also given example of Lord Krishna & Radha relationship to corroborate its judgment and said if they can live together why can't today's adults. The example of Lord Krishna is bound to raise a storm in certain quarters.
This can be a matter of debate as to which of these options is the best for an ever lasting happy married life. Those days of ‘Sati Savitri’ are gone where ‘Pati’ was ‘Parmeshwar’ and the life of a wife used to be full of sacrifices towards her husband, children and family. They looked perfect couple ‘Made for each other’, but not any more. The society is moving from ‘Pati, Patni aur Who’ situation to live in relationship now. Umpteen number of arguments can be put forth in defense of each of these options- Love marriage, arranged love marriage, Arranged marriage and live in relationship culminating in marriage but ultimately which one of these is foolproof?
Many arranged marriages are breaking up on account of complexes, difficulty in mutual adjustments, misunderstanding, dowry demands etc. Love marriages have broken because of couple not able to face the reality, fading away of love towards the other, infidelity and insecurities. In a recent case a celebrity’s engagement was terminated on the grounds of incompatibility even though they were childhood friends. Such was the understanding of love for so many years. Even those advocating live in relationship for better understanding have fallen apart. This despite the fact that present day parents’ mindsets have changed now and they freely allow the couples to meet, talk, explore and understand each other any number of times before marriage without any live in tag.
There is no time tested formulae for successful marriage. Horoscope or no horoscope, it is all ‘luck by chance’ situation. Perfect understanding, mutual trust, will to make minor adjustment in adversity, unconditional love, commitment, feeling of respect and responsibility towards each other as well as family can all go a long way to make the marriage work. Love marriage, arranged marriage or live in becomes secondary issue then.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Open any newspaper and you would find at least one or two news item about a suicide taking place in the city. There is a long list of people from a newly wed bride to a student appearing in exam, farmer struggling to make both ends meet to a debt ridden carpenter, lovers separated by parents to an executive working for a BPO committing suicide on any given day. Bangalore has a distinct Suicidal Capital tag along with Garden city and IT/BT tag. Nearly 2000 suicides per 1 lac of population takes place every year in this city and this is increasing at an alarming rate of 8% every year. To top it all, this just an official figure where as several cases of suicide goes unreported to the police and the press due to social stigma attached with it and sometimes stature/ izzat of family comes in the way.
Suicidal tendency or an attempt to commit suicide is a cry for help needing attention. For some it may be a gesture of aggressive intent but the fact is that it stems from hopelessness. The purpose of suicide attempt may not be intent to die but it’s a response to fear. Fear of shame, guilt, family and society at large. Studies have found that 90% suicides take place in lower and middle economic group in the age group of 15 to 45 years, men to women ratio being 1.4:1.
The main cause of action can be a single or multiple –
-Family problem- dispute, break ups. Diminishing family support in Urban area due migration for living.
-Financial problem, loss, Poverty.
-Marriage discord, break up in relationship, dowry demands.
-Frustration, guilt, humiliation.
-Pressure, competition, over ambition, unrealistic goals in studies/ jobs.
Adolescents are at a particular vulnerable stage in their lives. They are hyper sensitive, feel insecure and having low esteem especially during the examination time. Stress and depression happen to everyone in some or the other way. Depression is a medical condition under which a person sometimes is not able to share his problems with those around him for fear of neglect or rejection. 5% of population suffers depression at a given point of time and 15% of persons under depression commit suicide.
Depressed mood, loss of interest, guilt feeling, loss of concentration in studies or at work place, disturbed sleep, negative feelings, Sense of hopelessness or not wanted by any one, loss of self esteem, and self harm in aggression are some of the main features pointing towards a person undergoing depression. Under such circumstances, people around such a person (family members or friend) should never be critical or judgmental towards them. At this juncture, active listening, empathy, understanding the emotional problem and exploring the alternatives and suggestions to over come the situation is of utmost importance. However in most cases, such a response from family/ friends does not come easily and the affected person goes in to deep depression. And here comes the role of a counselor and psychiatrist. Counseling requires tremendous effort and skill to be a non critical, non judgmental listener. The process involves helping a person to help himself. Through counseling, the affected person comes in touch with his underlying emotions and feelings. Over a period of time, the person moves from a position of hopelessness to HOPE, hope of living. However in extreme cases, medical intervention is needed through psychotherapy.
“SAHAI” (Phone No. 25497777) in Bangalore is one of the few dedicated ‘Suicide prevention telephonic help lines’ in India and first in Karnataka to help those who are feeling low, depressed, unwanted and need some one to listen to and share their problems. Started in October 2002 with the joint initiative of Rotary Club Bangalore east, NIMHANS and Medical Pastoral Association (MPA) , this helpline has helped save the lives of scores of people under depression or having suicidal tendency by counseling them over telephone as well as face to face interaction. This helpline is manned by a team of dedicated volunteers from all walks of life who have been trained by experts from NIMHANS to handle the distress calls. The services are free and callers are assured of total confidentiality and anonymity. The helpline functions from 10 am to 6 pm (except Sunday) with the option of leaving message during off time. So here is a helpline just a call away. (Website: www.sahaihelpline.org)
Problems, stress and depression are all part of our life and let not them override your emotions. Manage your emotions in a positive manner because Life is to Live.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
BBMP elections are round the corner. Thanks to tough stand taken by the court, BBMP failed to get the same postponed further. Now, all eyes are set on the date when polling will take place. There would be a mad rush for filing nomination by all and sundry. I am counting one amongst the sundry. When a notorious bootlegger can file her nomination, why not me? I am one up above. Forget about my qualifications and antecedents. Ask me what shall I do? Here goes the manifesto:-
ROADS- I shall continue and improve upon the methods adopted so far. As of now, roads are first laid and thereafter they are dug for laying BWSSB pipes. Sometimes both the side of road is cut to make way for improved rain water drainage system. Road contractors will have to execute a guarantee that the roads laid by them will last for at least one month failing which they would be given additional contract to undertake repair work. This would be on the lines of ‘buy one take one free’ scheme. To minimize frequent road accidents, high road humps at all the road intersections will be made mandatory. During my tenure, the accumulated dust and sand on either side of the road will never be removed. Pot holes will not be filled up as it will facilitate in better traffic management and would act like a speed breaker thus saving the additional expenditure. Two wheelers would be allowed to use the remaining footpath if any for faster commutation.
GARBAGE-The residents will be allowed to throw the household garbage next to any vacant plots. The garbage bins wherever available will be allowed to act as a nodal point to collect plastic, card board boxes, milk covers and other items to be sold to old newspaper vendor by the urchins and official garbage collectors. They will be free to remove every thing from the bin and spread the remaining unwanted garbage all across the road. In fact to facilitate garbage disposal, people would be encouraged to throw them in near by storm water drains if vacant plots are not available. As there are no dearth of stray dogs and monkeys in Bangalore, encourage them to roam around your house to feast on the waste foods which are thrown away like a ball by many maidservants on their way home.
WATER SUPPLY- In few of the localities, clean drinking water supply is regular. Steps will be taken to connect them to storm water drains so that entire city gets uniformly the same kind of water as else where. Choked drains would be allowed to overflow on to the roads for an unspecified time. In the mean time digging of the roads would continue all over the city for laying pipes.
POWER SUPPLY- Uninterrupted power supply to big malls, multiplexes, big show rooms, marriage halls and bungalows of politicians and VVIPs is assured so that people coming from other places feel like being in Singapore as most corporators, politicians dream of. For domestic users power cut shall continue unabated. For them, use of candles, emergency lamps, invertors etc would be encouraged so as to give a boost to small scale industries. Additional unscheduled power cut would be imposed during examination time for students so that they can go early to bed and rise early!
FLYOVERS/UNDERPASS- The first priority would be to connect lanes and by lanes of Chickpet, balepet area with those of city market area. All the culverts would be converted in to underpass. The flyovers would be constructed in such places where majority of the traffic take the service lane so that flyovers would look clean and broad. Traffic signals on flyovers would be re-introduced. By 2015, no roads should be visible, only flyovers or underpass should remain. Skywalk would be erected in places where there is least likelihood of its use.
Thus, touching almost all aspect of life affecting the common men in this manifesto, I propose a big applaud for YOU for going through it with so much of patience and expectations. Now, what are you waiting far? Go out & vote but ………wait……watch……think and vote. Vote for me?
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Once again a new age god man hailing from Tamil Nadu but based near Bangalore is in the news for all the right reasons. He has been caught on camera indulging in love making with all possible sexual gestures with lady attender and disciple lying on his cozy bed. In fact, one of the disciples shown on TV channels is reported to be a film star from south. There is very little doubt that they have been doctored. As of now, the god man is reported to have gone to attend ‘Kumbh Mela’ and possibly washing his sins in the light of this expose.
As far as my memory goes, such a kind of merry making was started 4 decades back in Bhagwan Rajaneesh ashram at Pune. Hundreds of westerners and elite people from our own Bollywood used to throng Rajneesh ashram in search of inner peace. The disciple’s commune remained out of bound to outsiders and insiders were always tight lipped as to what happens inside. All that was reported in newspapers was nude dance inside the ashram in the presence of Rajneesh and traders in Charas, Ganja etc had thriving business outside the ashram. One of his books in Hindi sold like hot cakes those days was “Sambhog se Samadhi tak” (From ‘Sex to grave yard’ is a crude translation in English).Many of such present day demi -gods live like a king in fort like surroundings, stay in all the comforts of wide spread ashrams and villas with five star facilities giving occasional ‘darshan’ to the public in a Hindi mythological filmy style sitting on a huge ornamental chair studded with gold , silver and may be jewels.From time to time some or the other god man, spiritual guru or tantric is getting involved in these kind of scandals. Few years back in Tamil Nadu, a self styled Sri Lankan set up an ashram in Trichy, managed to lure many girls including minors in to his ‘free consciousness’ style of thinking. After several girls leveling rape charges against him, he was convicted and now cooling his heals in jail serving a double life term. Another god man from Gujarat is facing charges of killing 2 young boys. A very famous and powerful tantric during the regime of than Prime Minister, had an easy access to the PMO’s office in Delhi. He was involved in hawala transaction as well as unauthorized arms deal. A holy man from a mutt in south is facing a charge of conspiracy to murder! In the name curing or helping issueless women, many Sadhus and Tantriks have been caught in heinous sex crimes. The list of such unholy act by holy men is aplenty.Thinking of all these, I suggest to the Government to categorize such ashrams and self styled god men as “A” on the lines of film censor board so that only adult devotees can join these ashrams voluntarily who are not ignorant of happenings inside so that again no more ashram rocks with expose like this in future! Amen.
Many of such present day demi -gods live like a king in fort like surroundings, stay in all the comforts of wide spread ashrams and villas with five star facilities giving occasional ‘darshan’ to the public in a Hindi mythological filmy style sitting on a huge ornamental chair studded with gold , silver and may be jewels.
From time to time some or the other god man, spiritual guru or tantric is getting involved in these kind of scandals. Few years back in Tamil Nadu, a self styled Sri Lankan set up an ashram in Trichy, managed to lure many girls including minors in to his ‘free consciousness’ style of thinking. After several girls leveling rape charges against him, he was convicted and now cooling his heals in jail serving a double life term. Another god man from Gujarat is facing charges of killing 2 young boys. A very famous and powerful tantric during the regime of than Prime Minister, had an easy access to the PMO’s office in Delhi. He was involved in hawala transaction as well as unauthorized arms deal. A holy man from a mutt in south is facing a charge of conspiracy to murder! In the name curing or helping issueless women, many Sadhus and Tantriks have been caught in heinous sex crimes. The list of such unholy act by holy men is aplenty.
Thinking of all these, I suggest to the Government to categorize such ashrams and self styled god men as “A” on the lines of film censor board so that only adult devotees can join these ashrams voluntarily who are not ignorant of happenings inside so that again no more ashram rocks with expose like this in future! Amen.