Thursday, March 25, 2010

Living in , Love & Arranged Marriage

The Supreme Court on 24TH March gave a historic verdict that live in relationship i.e. living with one another without marriage is not illegal and cannot be defined as "criminal offence". If two person, man and woman want to stay together, what is the offence they are committing here? The SC has also given example of Lord Krishna & Radha relationship to corroborate its judgment and said if they can live together why can't today's adults. The example of Lord Krishna is bound to raise a storm in certain quarters.

This can be a matter of debate as to which of these options is the best for an ever lasting happy married life. Those days of ‘Sati Savitri’ are gone where ‘Pati’ was ‘Parmeshwar’ and the life of a wife used to be full of sacrifices towards her husband, children and family. They looked perfect couple ‘Made for each other’, but not any more. The society is moving from ‘Pati, Patni aur Who’ situation to live in relationship now. Umpteen number of arguments can be put forth in defense of each of these options- Love marriage, arranged love marriage, Arranged marriage and live in relationship culminating in marriage but ultimately which one of these is foolproof?

Many arranged marriages are breaking up on account of complexes, difficulty in mutual adjustments, misunderstanding, dowry demands etc. Love marriages have broken because of couple not able to face the reality, fading away of love towards the other, infidelity and insecurities. In a recent case a celebrity’s engagement was terminated on the grounds of incompatibility even though they were childhood friends. Such was the understanding of love for so many years. Even those advocating live in relationship for better understanding have fallen apart. This despite the fact that present day parents’ mindsets have changed now and they freely allow the couples to meet, talk, explore and understand each other any number of times before marriage without any live in tag.

There is no time tested formulae for successful marriage. Horoscope or no horoscope, it is all ‘luck by chance’ situation. Perfect understanding, mutual trust, will to make minor adjustment in adversity, unconditional love, commitment, feeling of respect and responsibility towards each other as well as family can all go a long way to make the marriage work. Love marriage, arranged marriage or live in becomes secondary issue then.

19 comments:

  1. I feel all the three- love, arranged, live-in - calls for the same sort of commitment. All three are the same once the novelty and excitement has run out.

    Whether you want to stay together and try make the relationship work, that is the question! All relationships have to go thru the tug-of-war of egos...how it ends depends on the two involved.

    I think it helps to ignore the trivia and concentrate on the positive attributes of the other. There is no perfect person and no perfect relationship. Everyone of us has faults and how we cope with ours and our partner's shortcomings, is what makes a relationship click.

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  2. Quote:
    "Research has shown that the happiest, most deeply contented couples have four things in common, though they may demonstrate them in different ways: 1. They share friendship and love in many ways. 2. They treat each other with kindness and respect. 3. Both partners do their own part. 4. They're committed to staying together, even when it's no bed of roses." ~ Howard J. Markman
    Unquote

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  3. Quote:
    "... what separates happy couples from unhappy couples is not whether they have problems, but how they approach them." ~ Linda and Robert Miles
    Unquote

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  4. Your writing is so superlative that it stimulate our senses. A K Verma www.askvastu.com

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  5. Love is what is needed.. if there is love between the couple then the bond of marriage becomes irreverent.. If there is no love no court can keep them together. Still it gives me sort of insecure feeling to know that my kid may have a live in relationship instead of marriage.

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  6. Very true. Its quite a popular topic for discussion

    http://milanavi.blogspot.com/

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  7. As You very rightly said, it is the perfect understanding between the spouses that determine whether the bond will last or not. You have analysed it very well.

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  8. I thank you all for valuable inputs.

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  9. Spot on! You have concluded it all in the right direction. May be I am not that experienced yet to comment on the topic, but from my couple of years of married life, I can say with confidence that - All it needs is mutual respect, trust and responsibility for a successful life between two souls.

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  10. live in relations are becoming an integral part of todays culture.
    extra marital affairs have been there since ages.
    many a times a very much in love couple also find themselves in a situation of extra marital affair. any relation outside marriage is based on physical attraction.
    what is successful marriage is a debatable issue. there are couples who inspite of regular arguments, tiffs are together for years together.
    true it all depends on the commitment the couple feel for each other.
    according to me for a marriage to survive against all odds what is required is understanding, adjustments, compromise and patience

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  11. I am not sure that there is a thing called successful marriage. Successful marriage involves long monogamous relationships that is against human nature. So we may end up with a successful marriage but an unsuccessful life.

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  12. I think that people have lost track of life's basics in their race to prove the world that they are an evolved society. Lust fades, love does not. This debate , I beg to differ is not about arranged or love marriages. where there is a marriage, there is no debate. This concept of living without incurring responsibilities and shirking one's dharma is a mindless and futile existence. One's goal in life needs to be to transcend to higher levels of mental planes instead of wandering aimlessly. whats the purpose of such an existence? where does that take one?
    making a marriage work needs the right outlook rather than the "perfect" people. You love your mother, your brother and sister not because your minds are concurrent, but because you see something in them that transcends what seem like faults to you.
    If one understands their duty and how to perform it, they will begin to be happy..life will be successful. Success cannot be meausred with one's bank balance. It is your mental understanding.
    to make a marriage successful, you need to look at the good in someone, learn to compromise for no one is perfect. One can learn something from everyone. It is this ability when developed well, will lead to a growth in love..a mutual understanding and a beautiful relationship.
    You can read my blog too for further comments, but guys, please stop forgetting your roots, and how you have evolved into the person you are today.

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  13. WITH UNDESIRED INFLOW OF WESTERN CULTURE THIS ALL IS INEVITABLE... NOBODY CAN HELP..I FEEL THE SCENARIO WILL WORSEN IN TIME TO COME....

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  14. But I think it was unnecessary, irrational and bit idiotic of the SC judge to bring the example of Krishan and Radha :P What if now people justify 2 and more wives quoting our God's example :D

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  15. Thank you all for your valuable comments.

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  16. Really fantastic your blog. I look forward to future posts.

    Falling in love can be fun and adventurous and sometimes love can be confusing and challenging. Have you ever wondered if your love life is affected by something greater? Maybe your love life is not controlled by you at all.

    Discover the personality traits of your partner by exploring your horoscopes embrace them. Use them to add intense passion to your relationship.

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  17. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  18. As you say, whatever may be the type of being together, the will to make it work and sincerity of approach are only things that matter.

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