Friday, May 25, 2012

The Lover's Bank Ltd.


(Even though this humorous article of mine was published way back  in January’1978 issue of “The Weekly SUN”  but holds good even now for the present day lovers . The article is reproduced hereunder without any changes/editing).

We are pleased to inform that an unique bank of its kind “The Lover’s Bank Ltd” has been established to look after all kinds of lovers. It is hard to find lover/lovers of one’s choice, hence why not bank with us? We earnestly advise you to cultivate the habit of saving lovers for a happy future. Here are our star attractions of various deposit schemes:

SAVINGS BANK A/c:- This account can be opened by depositing one of your lovers with us. All your love letters will be credited to your account and at the end of every six months, replies will be given at the rate of 6% as half yearly interest. The following rules are to be observed strictly:
  1. Ten days advance notice for the withdrawal of more than two lovers.
  2. Cheque book facilities on deposit of 10 lovers. Encashment of kiss cheque restricted to ADULTS only.
  3. Incidental charges such as boarding/lodging to be paid half yearly.
CURRENT A/c:- This is meant for commercial people, clubs, associations etc with an Overdraft facility.

FIXED/DOUBLE DEPOSIT A/c:- This account is best suited for the future. Deposit any number of young lovers at a time for a longer period and get back ‘Matured ‘lovers in your old age with higher rate of interest. You can even take loan against your deposits.

LOAN SCHEMES: - Needy people can get loans provided they do not have any lover in hand. Such persons will have to furnish the guarantee of two respectable persons of repute who have never indulged in love affairs! The person seeking loan has to give an undertaking that-
  1. She/he will repay the loan as early as possible.
  2. She/he will not misuse the loan.
  3. She/he will hang a board on neck while moving around with the lover carrying the following words in bold letters-‘Financed & Hypothecated to The Lover’s Bank Ltd.’
  4. Aged persons are also eligible for this loan provided they are in sound health and are confident that they will not kick the bucket earlier.
Apart from these few, we have many more attractive schemes such as Gift scheme, Lockers, Collection facilities, Mail transfer etc. Pleas contact our nearest branch for details.

Remember, this is the only bank where all types of lovers will be waiting for you with smile. So hurry up and start banking with The Lover’s Bank Ltd, the bank with a difference!
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11 comments:

  1. ...hilarious:) enjoyed thoroughly...thanks SRA!

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  2. Received through email-
    Probably after a few years of bank service you had formulated such a wonderful scheme. I am sure many must have been benefitted by this scheme.
    If only you had prepared a similar scheme for our bank in 1978 our bank deposits must have grown enormously.

    Sriraman, Chennai

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  3. Never knew you had this great sense of humour.
    Great post

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  4. wow...that was quite hilarious read Sir...:)

    and BTW that LOAN ACCOUNT scheme is quite attractive...:))

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  5. Lovely, humourous and quite imaginative post...From starting to finish I had smile on my face and loan facility is quite attractive but I am not ready to hang a board on neck while moving around:)

    First time visitor and I am taking away smile from here:)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Welcome Mithlash and thank you for visiting my blog for the first time.

      Delete
  6. Hilarious. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this post. The terms were really funny ;-)

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  7. Amazing, amusing read...I hope this bank starts soon :)

    ReplyDelete