“Mera yaar bana hai dulha, aur phool khile hain dil ke
Arey meri bhi shaadi ho jaye , dua karo sab milke”.
These are the lines of an old Hindi movie of 60s wherein the
comedian is seeking blessings to get married early. Now we are in 2013 and
situation is similar where many prospective bride grooms are struggling to get
a partner of their choice and needing blessings!
It is said that marriages
are made in heaven but now the heaven is falling on bride seekers! It’s
becoming extremely difficult to find a suitable match in marriage market. Many
of our states like Haryana, Punjab, in North to down south of Tamil Nadu &
Karnataka are facing acute shortage of brides. Situation is so alarming in
Haryana, it is reported that the brides are being imported from other states
irrespective of caste & creed. Down south the situation is no different and
certain communities too are feeling the heat. While girls do not want to get
married early, boys are getting overage. The days of ‘Khandan ki izzat’ seems
to be over as the table has turned and bride side is ruling the marriage
market.
The imbalance of male to
female ratio has resulted in Bride side having upper hand in certain community
in South India. They are in a commanding position, wanting to know the details
of grooms financial status, fixed assets, stability of job etc. even before
their first face to face meeting with the counterpart. In certain cases, they
also want to know if any aged people are there living with the boy (reasons are
obvious). These kinds of enquiries were never in practice a couple of years
back.
Not that, this was unexpected. Now, brides are exerting their
rights in the bride groom selection. Not all are prepared to tie the knot with
a person chosen by their parents simply because he is from known family or
respected family. They have their own ideas of their life partner. Education
and awareness have made them on equal footing with the counterpart. They want
to decide about their own life, career and future. Majority of them are career
oriented wanting to go up the ladder. They are in no hurry to get married. Many
are in high position of their career and do not want to shoulder additional
responsibility of running a family. Even when married, going ‘family way’
becomes a far cry.
With the change of mindset, they have many other options
like Live in relationship or prefer to remain single and later adopt a child.
That explains the reason, why so many celebrities are single. Inter caste/
inter religion/ interstate marriages which were taboo a few years back is
irrelevant now. In view of the tight marriage market, all options as above are
being explored & accepted.
Very true. Only time will tell where we are landing.
ReplyDeleteThe sooner the better ... this unhealthy obsession with getting young people married and parental and societal domination that it leads to is horrible. I call marriage the great Indian scam. Marriage is between a couple, not a society kind of thing. It should remain that
ReplyDeleteSuresh Ayyangar from Chennai has sent me the following link from You Tube as a comment to this article-
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=59Hj7bp38f8
Fiddler on the roof - Matchmaker ( with subtitles )
I think much hype and hoopla is made about marriage , hence there's lot of expectations, pressures attached to it. If people just go a bit easy on it , then I guess things will turn out balanced. There should simply be no obligations attached to the decision of an individual about getting married or not married, or when and how...
ReplyDeleteThis is how a society evolves, by discarding age old traditions and adopting new ones. But one can never say for certain that change is always for the better. It also depends on whose point of view we are looking at.
ReplyDeleteThose who stick to traditions will find it hard to wean themselves away from it. After all, what took generations of practice is hard to give up. But I am glad to say that I've noticed that it is the older generations that are more understanding of the situation, and those sandwiched in between have the hassle of which side to swing.
ReplyDeleteInteresting post, Mr Ayyangar.
True the change in a way is healthier and even un healthier as well. The west is influening us too heavily and sometime we girls compromise the value of building a home with our own personal interests. That is hurting.
ReplyDeleteThe society is going through a churn. However I belong to the old school of thought. There is a right time and age for everything. As Purba said, a lot depends on the situation at hand. Urban folks, celebrities face different problems from their rural counterparts.
ReplyDeleteI think we should not take marriage as something we NEED to do. There is social pressure attached to this institution in our country. We should marry because we want to and to the person who we feel is compatible to us. Also, change is a part of growth, we adopt those which succeed.
ReplyDeleteYou are absolutely right given the marriage scenario in today's world people are more fussy and articular than ever before!
ReplyDeleteIt may be a good change for many but it can also ruin certain family values and later create trouble in old ages!
Change is a necessity & need of the hour . I have a similar post depicting the purpose & challenges of marital institution in today's time http://www.sweetsharing.com/grannys-book-of-secrets-marriage-beyond/
ReplyDeleteIn the not-too-distant future I see many youngsters not wanting to get married at all. Whatever they decide (marry, not marry, live with extended family or just the core family), many in the older generation simply want them to be safe and happy.
ReplyDelete