Wednesday, November 13, 2013

It's all in a family relationship

Relationship of any kind is complex in nature. As long as things are fine relationship goes well but it is very difficult to judge or predict when it can turn sour. I am not here to discuss the Behavioral science of human nature. They are far too complex to understand by a common man like me. I have only questions in mind about those relations.

There was a time when three or four generations living harmoniously and happily under one roof. The head of the family was like Godfather who used to command immense respect from each of the family members irrespective of their age. Men folks used to earn, women folks looking after household chores like kitchen, cleaning, looking after children, washing clothes etc. Every thing was shared by all equally. There was no sign of jealousy and back biting.  The head of the family had the last say in every matter of the house and every body used to listen and abide by them without any questions asked! This may be out of respect or fear, nobody bothered.  Every thing was accepted without any grouse, ill-will or opposition from any quarter.

Now, this concept of happy joint family is disappearing barring some business community where all are in the same trade to look after their business interest. The urge to go for greener pasture abroad, onset of education, moving out for jobs, inter caste/ religion marriage, need of privacy and space have all taken its toll on joint family. It has disintegrated to make way for nuclear family concept. Individualism & self centeredness has crept in the minds. While needs of family and their aspirations are going up, lack of time, zeal and initiative are taking its toll on the family relationship.

Gone are the days when during summer holidays, all family members with their children used to assemble in one place to spend quality time with others. Children used to wait for summer holidays months ahead. They all used to have gala time playing, going places, chit chatting and enjoying movies/shopping without any ill feelings towards the other. Even after going back to their respective homes, they used to be in touch with each other by way of letters.

Now when a faster mode of communication like email and Skype is available children have neither interest in bonding nor the time to be in touch barring few of their friends. The love, affection, bonding, closeness of yesteryears are no where visible now. What if they all have grown in age? It is said that ‘Wisdom comes with age’ but here the wisdom seldom works! All such relationship has now boiled down to say just ‘Hello’ or ‘How are you’ when they meet ‘by chance’ and not beyond. Sometimes not even that. They do not have any other matter to talk to. In fact, they don't feel the need to talk!

No serious issues, no differences, no fight, no arguments but still the gulf between them widened silently over a period of time.  If at all there were any unknown issues, not necessarily between them directly, those issues may be pretty old amongst their parents or even grand parents but not even known to children, the spill over continues. The bonding of childhood days becomes very weak and sometimes arrogance & ego overpowers those relations.

Today very often we read and hear that without clinging to the past, one has to move on in life for happiness but does it anyway stops one from wondering as to how in a family these relations become sore leaving several unanswered questions of when, how & why it all went wrong?