Life is to live

Open any newspaper and you would find at least one or two news item about a suicide taking place in the city. There is a long list of people from a newly wed bride to a student appearing in exam, farmer struggling to make both ends meet to a debt ridden carpenter, lovers separated by parents to an executive working for a BPO committing suicide on any given day. Bangalore has a distinct Suicidal Capital tag along with Garden city and IT/BT tag. Nearly 2000 suicides per 1 lac of population takes place every year in this city and this is increasing at an alarming rate of 8% every year. To top it all, this just an official figure where as several cases of suicide goes unreported to the police and the press due to social stigma attached with it and sometimes stature/ izzat  of family comes in the way.

Suicidal tendency or an attempt to commit suicide is a cry for help needing attention. For some it may be a gesture of aggressive intent but the fact is that it stems from hopelessness. The purpose of suicide attempt may not be intent to die but it’s a response to fear. Fear of shame, guilt, family and society at large. Studies have found that 90% suicides take place in lower and middle economic group in the age group of 15 to 45 years, men to women ratio being 1.4:1.

CASUSES:

 The main cause of action can be a single or multiple –

-Failing/prolonged illness

-Family problem- dispute, break ups. Diminishing family support in Urban area due migration for living.

-Financial problem, loss, Poverty.

-Marriage discord, break up in relationship, dowry demands.

-Frustration, guilt, humiliation.

-Alcoholic/drug addict.

-Pressure, competition, over ambition, unrealistic goals in studies/ jobs.

Adolescents are at a particular vulnerable stage in their lives. They are hyper sensitive, feel insecure and having low esteem especially during the examination time. Stress and depression happen to everyone in some or the other way. Depression is a medical condition under which a person sometimes is not able to share his problems with those around him for fear of neglect or rejection. 5% of population suffers depression at a given point of time and 15% of persons under depression commit suicide.

SYMPTOMS:

Depressed mood, loss of interest, guilt feeling, loss of concentration in studies or at work place, disturbed sleep, negative feelings, Sense of hopelessness or not wanted by any one, loss of self esteem, and self harm in aggression are some of the main features pointing towards a person undergoing depression. Under such circumstances, people around such a person (family members or friend) should never be critical or judgmental towards them. At this juncture, active listening, empathy, understanding the emotional problem and exploring the alternatives and suggestions to over come the situation is of utmost importance. However in most cases, such a response from family/ friends does not come easily and the affected person goes in to deep depression. And here comes the role of a counselor and psychiatrist. Counseling requires tremendous effort and skill to be a non critical, non judgmental listener. The process involves helping a person to help himself. Through counseling, the affected person comes in touch with his underlying emotions and feelings. Over a period of time, the person moves from a position of hopelessness to HOPE, hope of living. However in extreme cases, medical intervention is needed through psychotherapy.

HELP

“SAHAI” (Phone No. 25497777) in Bangalore is one of the few dedicated ‘Suicide prevention  telephonic help lines’ in India and first in Karnataka to help those who are feeling low, depressed, unwanted and need some one to listen to and share their problems. Started in October 2002 with the joint initiative of Rotary Club Bangalore east, NIMHANS and Medical Pastoral Association (MPA) , this helpline has helped save the lives of scores of people under depression or having suicidal tendency by counseling them over telephone as well as face to face interaction. This helpline is manned by a team of dedicated volunteers from all walks of life who have been trained by experts from NIMHANS to handle the distress calls. The services are free and callers are assured of total confidentiality and anonymity. The helpline functions from 10 am to 8 pm (except Sunday) with the option of leaving message during off time. So here is a helpline just a call away. (Website: www.sahaihelpline.org)

Problems, stress and depression are all part of our life and let not them override your emotions. Manage your emotions in a positive manner because Life is to Live.

“A” Certificate for Ashram

Once again a new age god man hailing from Tamil Nadu but based near Bangalore is in the news for all the right reasons. He has been caught on camera indulging in love making with all possible sexual gestures with lady attender and disciple lying on his cozy bed. In fact, one of the disciples shown on TV channels is reported to be a film star from south. There is very little doubt that they have been doctored. As of now, the god man is reported to have gone to attend ‘Kumbh Mela’ and possibly washing his sins in the light of this expose.

As far as my memory goes, such a kind of merry making was started 4 decades back in Bhagwan Rajaneesh ashram at Pune. Hundreds of westerners and elite people from our own Bollywood   used to throng Rajneesh ashram in search of inner peace. The disciple’s commune remained out of bound to outsiders and insiders were always tight lipped as to what happens inside. All that was reported in newspapers was nude dance inside the ashram in the presence of Rajneesh and traders in Charas, Ganja etc had thriving business outside the ashram. One of his books in Hindi sold like hot cakes those days was “Sambhog se Samadhi tak” (From ‘Sex to grave yard’ is a crude translation in English).

Many of such present day demi -gods live like a king in fort like surroundings, stay in all the comforts of wide spread ashrams and villas with  five star facilities giving occasional  ‘darshan’ to the public in a Hindi mythological filmy style  sitting on a huge ornamental chair studded with gold , silver and may be jewels.

From time to time some or the other god man, spiritual guru or tantric is getting involved in these kind of scandals. Few years back in Tamil Nadu, a self styled Sri Lankan set up an ashram in Trichy, managed to lure many girls including minors in to his ‘free consciousness’ style of thinking. After several girls leveling rape charges against him, he was convicted and now cooling his heals in jail serving a double life term. Another god man from Gujarat is facing charges of killing 2 young boys. A very famous and powerful tantric during the regime of than Prime Minister, had an easy access to the PMO’s office in Delhi. He was involved in hawala transaction as well as unauthorized arms deal. A holy man from a mutt in south is facing a charge of conspiracy to murder!  In the name curing or helping issueless women, many Sadhus and Tantriks have been caught in heinous sex crimes. The list of such unholy act by holy men is aplenty.

Thinking of all these,  I suggest to  the Government to categorize such ashrams and self styled god men as “A” on the lines of film censor board so that only adult devotees can join these ashrams voluntarily who are not ignorant of happenings inside so that again no more ashram rocks with  expose like this in future! Amen.

In search of an answer

Have you ever wondered why people starts pelting stones at shops and buses whenever a high profile celebrity like a film star or mass leader/ politician dies? All of a sudden, from no where they get all the stock of stones, rods and wooden logs to carry out the mass destruction? Why the administration & police become a helpless mute spectator to burning down of vehicles, destruction of public properties and looting of showrooms. There are ample appropriate laws to deal with such a situation but the perpetrators of hooliganism and political party supporters to such riots are never punished. Long rope given by the law makers and keepers encourages future happenings.

‘3 idiots’ raised a storm over the story writer issue. The original writer Chetan Bhagat was all over the TV channels for a day but the heat generated by the hype died the very next day. I am still figuring out if it is a case of ‘Pen is mightier than……’ or the other way round. From the beginning, writers are an exploited lot, under paid and often made to shell out from their own pocket to bring out their book in the market. Now, they have to promote their own book through ‘book reading session’ or ‘sit in’ at book stores.

The issue of National film awards and Republic day Padma Shree Awards of late raises lot of eyebrows every year. Whoever thought that a film like ‘Oye lucky oye’ deserves a prestigious national award or Saif ali khan a padma shree must ponder over their histrionic? Why is that a common man from the street or a slum and not associated with any NGO silently doing some thing for the poor and needy gets the award?

There are umpteen number of Music and Film channels churning out the same songs and films day in & day out. How many of these so called Music channels have regular slot for classical songs, folk songs, devotional songs, folk music, talk shows by music teachers, music directors, singers or any programme on imparting training in music instruments? Similarly, which of the film channels has slot for award winning films, old classics, programmes on the art of film making, film appreciation, film direction or film editing etc?

Every now and than politicians keep talking to media on some or the other issue and whenever a hue & cry is raised by the public, they make a shameless U turn saying that the media has ‘misquoted’ them or they bluntly deny the report even when said by them in camera! What makes them utter some thing which has to be denied later is a bone of contention? News channels create hype on certain issue for a day or two and sleep on it like a government. All of a sudden several years later a case like Ruchika’s crop up springing a surprise and leaving every one bewildered.

E-Terrorism!

Even if you are not computer savvy but have an email account, than it is for sure to have encountered email terrorist attack on your mail box. Wondering who these terrorists are and what are they up to?
Definitely you must have got mails at some point of time from your own near and dear ones with a beautiful picture of some God or Goddess and asking you to concentrate on its eyes to reap many fold benefits or witness some kind of miracle in your life to happen in the next 7 days. Needless to say that normally such kind of unsolicited chain mails keep coming on your mail box. These mails with spiritual or religious sentiments attached come with statutatory warning that the chain should not be discontinued to avail the benefit and also must be forwarded to another 10 persons failing which you shall encounter some miss happening! And lo! You are in soup what to do next, to forward the mail or not. God only knows who the perpetrators of such mails are and what their agenda is but one thing is sure, the threat and the fear factor works. Invariably, the recipient of such mail is tempted to pass on the buck on to another 10 persons. This is what I term as e-terrorism!
In a similar manner, there is one more kind of e-terrorism not in the nature of chain mails which keep popping up on to your mail box. These are bound to rob you off if not acted wisely. Sample this:-
“Congratulations, your email Id has been selected by our electronic random selection system for a cash prize of US$ 50, 00,000/-” OR “You have won a UK lottery of 165, 50,000 pounds in our monthly draw, Congratulation!”
In such mails, you are asked to send them Bank details; password, email Id password, etc along with foreign remittance of few thousands to cover handling charges. What happens next should be well known to avid readers of any newspaper. The bank account is hacked and computer injected with virus through e-terrorism!

My Profile

SHRI RAM AYYANGAR

• Age: 59
• Gender: Male
• Occupation: Retired/Social Service
• Location: Bangalore : Karanataka : India

About Me

I am a 59 years old retired Banker. My interests are varied from Music to writing, good food to traveling.In fact, I got a National certificate from "Limca book of records in 2009" based on my travel article posted elsewhere on this blog.

At present I am volunteering for a helpline called "SAHAI" for suicide prevention. I am also editing an email quarterly magazine "MASTER" devoted to social issues.Writing is my passion since childhood and am writing on these issues satirically in Hindi as well as English.

Interests

• Music (Hindi
• English
• Tamil
• Kannada)
• Writing on awareness issues
• Satire writing in Hindi
• Reading newspapers
• Editing Magazine
• Travelling

Favorite Movies

• There are so many in English/Hindi made during 50s to 70s.Ben Hur
• Hatari
• Macanas Gold
• Guns of Navarone
• One flew over cookoos nest
• Jerry Liews comedy movies in English
• Raj Kapoors
• BR Chopras
• Hrishikesh Mukherji's
• Mother India
• Aanand
• Safar
• Mughal e azam
• Aashirwad etc etc

Favorite Music

• I like all kinds of Music from soft to fast
• classical to western to fusion.

Favorite Books

• Not an avid reader but fond of reading magazines/newspapers.

"Religious rituals after death"

For a long time, a question about "Religious rituals after death" is bothering me. It's a purely personal question related to me
If I put my views before some Priest (Purohit), he may reply to his advantage and may say a big 'NO' to what I think just because I am a Brahmin! I don't know what stand any spiritual leader will take. That is why I am putting across my personal views on to my blog to elicit your opinion /views in the matter. Let me make it clear first that I do believe in God as a supreme power but am not a blind follower of several religious rituals.

(1)- After attending umpteen number of religious function of some body's death i.e. 9^th day to 13^th day and thereafter Monthly & Yearly shradh rituals, I have started thinking in a different perspective.
No body knows where one goes after death i.e. to hell or heaven. In my opinion, we experience all the miseries of life i.e. hell or comforts of heaven in our life time before death. We should not expect to go there after death. May be these rituals are conducted to appease God to send the departed soul to Heaven or to make his/her soul rest in peace. It may happen that during his/her life time, we may not have bothered to look after them or always blaming or fighting with them but suddenly after their death we start performing pooja for resting their soul in peace! Fine, but why to make the function of pomp and show by calling all & sundry? Why to accept costly gifts from all of them on 13^th day?
People attend these functions for various reasons. Some are compelled because of family bondage even if they do not see eye to eye with the deceased or his family, some for the fear of back lash by God if not attending the function but as per my observation, majority of people come for chit chat, meeting each other and to enjoy the sumptuous food items prepared on the occasions .
What is the need for such show off and formalities? So many people have to waste their leave just to come and go back after eating! So many people have to come from far off places. All these are not for a day but for continuously for 4-5 days and even full 13 days. Is it not a colossal waste of other's time and money?
If at all we have to follow rituals of feeding people, why not to do away with the rituals followed from 9^th day to 13^th day/monthly/yearly just by visiting temple by family members and pray for the soul to rest in peace followed by arranging food for the needy like those staying in orphanages, old age homes, destitute homes & likes and get their blessings for doing something good for the needy. Nothing else to be done or performed.
Can family members be bound by my wish if made as a part of personal WILL?
(2)I understand that if somebody donates his/her entire body on death to Medical College for their studies/research than no rituals need to be observed. Is it true and if yes, why exemption under this category?
I am sure you would take some time out of your busy schedule to quench my thirst for answer to the above.